We never had a shutdown when I was growing up

By Larry Persily

My brothers and sister and I often had meltdowns, putdowns and lowdown name-calling while fighting at home, in the car, in public — most anywhere one of us could annoy the others.

We disrupted life for our parents but we never had a shutdown of home life. Dinner was served. We went to school on time. We had clean clothes, or at least they stayed clean for a little bit.

And if we got sick or injured, mom would take us to the doctor, though she was happy to explain when it was our fault. Like the time she took me to the ER, laughing as she told the doctor that I had injured my foot when I kicked the door because I was mad at her.

And when things got really bad, dad would threaten to clear the room or stop the car. He would not-so-calmly explain we had a choice: Stop fighting or he would settle it.

Nurturing? Not particularly. But we never had a shutdown. Unlike the U.S. Congress and the president, which seem to think shutting down government is a political game.

But since we can’t fit all 535 congressional seats and the president into the back of a car to face a smackdown from the driver — not even a stretch Hummer — it’s time to think outside the seats to end the federal government shutdown, assuming they haven’t ended the stalemate by the time you read this.

While the president and congressional Democrats and Republicans spend their waking hours, and probably their dreams, thinking up new ways to blame their opponents for the shutdown, real people who work for a living are going without paychecks, services are not being provided, and Americans are getting even more disgusted with government.

My dad died 15 years ago this Halloween, though he probably would not have been the right person to threaten to stop the car if Congress and the White House didn’t stop kicking, punching and tickling each other.

The country needs a peacemaker. Someone with such star power, such high popularity ratings, such stature that their mere presence would attract attention and calm the waters.

Jane Goodall, respected worldwide for her research as a primatologist and anthropologist, could communicate with chimpanzees. That would have served her well in communicating with some members of Congress. But she died last week.

Maybe Taylor Swift. Probably there are people in the world who are more famous, but mostly for bad reasons. Swift is immensely popular and commands attention. No members of Congress would tear off and throw their Swiftie Friendship Bracelet at an opponent — their teenage daughter would never speak to them again.

But Swift is weak on political expertise and public policy knowledge to bring the opposing teams together at the 50-yard line to shake hands.

Caitlin Clark, the women’s basketball star, just about single-handedly got Americans to realize that players without jockstraps could be exciting to watch. But she is suffering from a groin injury, and the heavy lifting required to smack around members of Congress would risk a reinjury.

We need someone who has experience standing up to threats, who has a presence on the stage and looks good on camera. Maybe someone in a uniform — Congress loves a good military jacket.

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy. He could tell members of Congress and the president: Either stop fighting among yourselves or come to Ukraine and I’ll show you some real fighting. Much like my dad would threaten to teach us a lesson.

• Larry Persily is the publisher of the Wrangell Sentinel, which first published this column.